


Heaven

by Amlika



Category: Black Mirror, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Bittersweet, Episode: s03e04 San Junipero, Love of the undead, M/M, sci-fi?, soft taekook, taekook
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 02:48:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13448928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Amlika/pseuds/Amlika
Summary: Taehyung meets Jeongguk in a little 80s bar where time stays frozen, and can’t bear the thought of leaving him behind forever.Heaven, is where we are together.





	Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> San Junipero is my favorite Black Mirror episode, it’s heartachingly beautiful. 
> 
> Haven’t watched it? Give the fic a try anyways. I'll explain everything in the endnote, see if you get it right ;D
> 
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There’s a kaleidoscope of colours bouncing off the spinning disco ball, blinding, enthralling. Taehyung blinks as he walks through the cloud of rainbow hues.

The smells of cigarettes and alcohol mingle in the air. Beautiful faces everywhere, young and in their primes. Alluring bodies grooving to the 80s pop tune blasting from the speakers by the packed dance floor.

_Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?  
Ooh heaven is a place on earth_

Taehyung pushes pass the boisterous crowd, and stops at the bar. “Hey Jackson.”

A nod, as two glasses land on the bar counter, “The usual?”

“Yeah.”

The glasses are icy in his hands, dark liquid sloshing as he starts walking again. Taehyung dips his head for a sip, feeling the bitterness of the alcohol tingling on his tongue. The music plays on in the background, exuberant and upbeat.

 _They say in heaven love comes first_  
_We'll make heaven a place on earth_

In the back of the bar, besides the worn out Pac-Man machine, he spots the familiar silhouette. Black hoodie, faded blue jeans, head lowered with gold-rimmed specs peeking through.

Taehyung’s lips quirk into a smile, and his steps slow down. The same spot every night, same pastel purple neon light flickering and shading the silhouette, yet every time, he inhales deeply and tries to commit every single detail to memory.

Never want to forget.

The figure looks up, bright eyes gleaming with the joy of recognition, “you’re late.”

“Sorry, had some stuff to do… but now I’m here.” Taehyung sits down beside him, and hands him the drink.

Their fingers brush lightly. Jeongguk takes a sip of the drink, “now you’re here.” Taehyung spots the faint pink dusting his cheeks, and he’s mesmerized, can’t look away.

They sink into a comfortable silence, watching the clamouring club crowd from afar.

Something inexplicably soothing, to be next to the crowd yet alone, just the two of them.

Eventually Taehyung pipes up again, “you know, this place is perfect, except the damn weak drinks. One day, I wish one day I could take you somewhere to taste the real stuff, yeah?”

Jeongguk hums, and Taehyung turns to catch him glancing at him sweetly, “rum and coke.”

“Yes, spiced rum and coke, the superior drink.” He lifts the glass towards his nose, and winces, “the scent is there but it’s just not right, I can’t explain it. Ahh! If only we could go to my favourite joint near my place…”

“Hmm.” Jeongguk’s voice is in a trance, and Taehyung feels his head leaning onto his shoulder. The motion is gentle and timid, and Taehyung’s heart flutters inexplicably so.

They sit side by side, and watch as the world pass them by. Taehyung’s shoulders relax and expressions soften. Deadline, panic, they all start to fizzle away slowly, saved for the weight of Jeongguk's head against his shoulder. There's an itch in his heart, faint but insistent, impossible to ignore. Taehyung sucks in a deep breath and averts his gaze, trying hard not to stare at Jeongguk's parted lips.

"Did you paint more?" He asks.

"Yeah."

"Similar stuff?"

"Pretty much." Jeongguk’s voice is shy but sweet.

"It's good though. You're good at it, I love the way you paint the sea, tranquil."

"Thanks. It's soothing, I'm used to it."

Taehyung smiles, and gives his arm a tiny nudge, "so about that portrait of me..."

A pause, and Jeongguk responds, "yeah."

Taehyung chuckles, "I was kidding when I said it needs to be like ten feet tall and “gloriously handsome”! I mean, something simple will do, whatever you are ok with drawing, really."

"Well..."

Taehyung spots the hesitation in his eyes and adds, "it's ok, you don't have to, it's no big deal -"

His words are cut short when he feels the tug on his sleeve, and there's a glint of tenderness in Jeongguk's eyes, "I don't mind. Didn't think you were serious because - well because nobody has ever asked me to before..."

Taehyung's gaze softens, hand reaching for Jeongguk's, but brushes by cautiously before falling back onto the bench, "well, I'm asking, because your paintings are amazing. Everything you do is..."

His cheeks flush at the sappiness of it all, but Jeongguk's shy little smile encourages him, making him feel like spewing out sap all night long. Anything to keep that smile blooming.

Fuck.

What's wrong with him.

There's a sudden surge of irritation, of how quickly he's falling into it all, and how scary it is, to care so much about something so surreal. But somehow, Taehyung knows he no longer cares.

He wants to be here, every single night, more than anywhere else in the world. And for whatever reason, he can sense Jeongguk feels the same way too.

It's mutual, the achingly tenderness that shrouds their hearts when they are together. And the moment spent together, is worth any price in the world.

The music changes, into a slow song, some female voice, singing of star crossed love and melancholy, against a pretty little piano tune.

"Wanna dance?"

He expects the apologetic no as always. It's been two months, and the answer has never changed.

"You'll teach me?"

The words take him by surprise, and he stutters in response, "um... yeah of course. Wait, is that a yes?"

Jeongguk's head dips lower, but the answer is gentle and unmistakable, "I think so, if you don't mind."

"Oh Gukkie, of course I don't mind."

The dance floor clears, and Taehyung gestures towards himself awkwardly, “well, its a slow song so maybe put your hands on me a little, if you don’t mind-“

Jeongguk leans in stiffly, hands dangling mid-air before finally dropping by his waist. The touch is delicate.

He’s so very close, black bangs drooping by his glasses, lips worrying between his teeth in a nervous tic. Carefully, Taehyung reaches in to embrace him, like grasping onto a vision that might disappear at any moment.

He starts to sway to the song, and feels Jeongguk following. So close, the warmth of his skin, the scent of his presence, Taehyung inhales deeply and savours the moment. Their gaze meet, and Jeongguk responds with a tiny grin, as his head leans in to rest by Taehyung’s shoulder.

“Does this feel ok?” Taehyung inquires.

“More than ok…” Jeongguk’s voice is whisper quiet, but Taehyung hears every word.

The love songs keep drifting in and out, and the disco ball spins languidly in the dark, casting them in a million dazzlingly specks of light.

  
-

 

The waves are rhythmic and tranquil under the shimmering moonlight. The sand feels soft and moist between Taehyung’s fingers, as he grasps onto it absently.

“It’s lovely.”

“Yeah.” Taehyung concurs, eyes tracing Jeongguk’s profile next to him.

“I’ve seen this so many times, but it feels so - perfect tonight, all of it.”

“Did you always live at this house?”

“I think so. My memory is a bit - blurry, you know.” Jeongguk grins apologetically, but Taehyung shakes his head and responds, “It’s fine, I told you before, you are ok.”

“It didn’t bother me much before, the not remembering. Everyday is pleasant here, people come and go - visitors, people who move here permanently, it’s all a bit of a haze but it’s almost easier that way, easier not having to remember.”

Taehyung reaches in to smooth out his hair that’s ruffled in the balmy night breeze, “it’s fine. You’re so strong, surviving for so long on your own. But it’s ok, I’m here now. And you remember me, that’s all that matters.”

Jeongguk’s eyes gleam with tenderness, “yes, I remember you. Taehyung… Taehyung…” he repeats the name like an enchanting spell, and Taehyung feels himself drowning in those dark orbs. “It’s weird to wait for someone, to have hope and anticipate. Scary almost, I’m not used to it.”

Taehyung responds, “don’t worry, you know I’ll always come visit you, whenever I can. It’s hard to stay away for long, always miss you, never want to let you wait for too long.”

Jeongguk curls into him, “I know, I trust you. One day you’ll be here forever, right? I can wait, I’m used to being by myself, it's ok.”

A somberness washes over Taehyung, but he tries to keep his tone casual, “yeah, something like that. It’s - I dunno, it’s so crazy out there right now. But I’ll find a way, I’m sure I can find a way, for us to stay together.”

Jeongguk smiles, there’s a glint of hollowness in his eyes, “if you say so.”

They sit in silence for a while, listening to the crashing of the waves next to them, feeling the peaceful night stretching into infinity.

“Tae…” Jeongguk whispers, breaking the silence, “I - I wanted to ask you…”

“Yes?”

Jeongguk licks his lips, head tilted to the side in a nervous tic, “would it be ok - can I - “

He wrings his hands and Taehyung gets a little concerned, “what is it? What’s wrong?”

Jeongguk's cheeks flush as he tugs onto his lower lip, “I dunno… I…” the last words dangle by his lips, but he pushes them out, breathlessly, “...can I kiss you?”

At the sound of those words, Taehyung's mind goes blissfully blank.

Time seems to halt when he reaches in to brush Jeongguk’s lips with his, heart hammering and breath hitched. Soft, trembling, mixed in with the ocean mist and the silvery moonlight, Taehyung drinks it all in and sinks into the yearning.

Jeongguk’s hands reach out for him, grasping, searching, movements clumsy yet instinctive. They dwell in the kiss, hearts beating wayward and lips breathing all the unspoken thoughts into one another.

It all feels like a dream within a dream, yet dizzily, Taehyung feels more alive than he’s ever been all his life.

 

-

 

The living room is dark, saved for the desk lamp shrouding him in a yellow sphere of warmth. Taehyung stares at the jumbled mess on the screen, the millions of broken codes floating and blinking right back at him. The sudden ringing of the doorbell cuts through the silence and startles him.

His mind is still racing with a thousands thoughts as he cracks open the door. Jimin’s familiar face offers him no comfort.

Taehyung walks back to the computer, as Jimin’s voice trails behind him, “I brought you food, figured you prolly didn’t bother to eat, again.”

  
Taehyung grumbles, eyes fixated back on the flickering screen.

A sigh. “Tae. What can I say to make you stop? Look at all this - “ Jimin gestures to him, and around the living room with piles of empty cans and take-out containers, “- do you even sleep anymore? You’re obsessed. I mean, I’ve seen you obsessed about things before, but this - this is extreme even for you. And everything you’ve asked me to get? You’re gonna get both of us fired, prosecuted even -”

“Did you get it?”

Jimin pauses, eyes dimming.

Taehyung repeats, “did you get it? The files and the clearance?”

Jimin frowns, and pulls out a thin metallic chip from his pocket. Taehyung takes it and sets it by the computer console, exhaling slowly.

“Tae…” Jimin’s voice behind him is almost pleading, “Tae, please, think about what you’re doing. These documents were locked up for a reason. Jeongguk is...a relic, a corrupted file that’s prolly best left behind with San Junipero. I get it, every Operator falls for him in the beginning. He’s mysterious, innocent, all that. But it’s not real, none of it is-”

“Stop.” Taehyung snaps and cuts him off, shoulders squared and gaze defensive. “Just stop. He is real. He’s more real than anything in this world. How can you not understand, he was alive once, breathing, human, just like you and me. And to me, he still is.”

“Maybe. But his file was created in 2025, one of the first files passed over to San Junipero, back when it was just a software in trial. Tae, get this into your head, Jeongguk has been dead for almost a century, the first and last client for this obsolete thing, this playground of the dead. And you are not here to date or protect him or whatever, you’re an Operator, a coder, to clean up the software so we can close it down forever.”

The words pierce through his heart like ice, and Taehyung stumbles, refusing to succumb to the sharp disdain in Jimin’s voice.

Slowly, he responds, “how long have we know each other?”

Jimin’s expression softens, “A long time, since we were kids.”

“You have to trust me when I say this - he’s not just a file. His soul, his heart, whatever is passed over, is very much alive, and deserves to be saved. You don’t know him, none of you do. The way his head tilts a little when he’s unsure of things, how he only shows that toothy grin when he trusts you… And he’s brave, so very brave, even though he can’t remember his past or look into his future -”

“Yes, Tae! Listen to yourself, Jeongguk can’t remember a thing. Everyone falls for him but eventually they all realize this - he’s just a shell, a shadow of his former self, because he’s been in this digital world for way too long. You know as well as I do, that none of the earlier generation files has survived ‘til this day. Because the human mind doesn’t work that way - without a physical body, without interaction to the real world and real people, the mind becomes untethered and drifts. Nobody can keep their sanity for that long. This, is the biggest flaw of the San Junipero software, why it’s been quarantined for years and finally closing down.”

Jimin’s eyes are dark, words spilling out and making Taehyung flinch, “the world has moved on, there are remote colonies now for the Undead, or Immortals or whatever the fuck they prefer to be called. Everyone wants to live forever, artificial bodies are all the rage now, for the mind to be transported into. Because then, you still have control of your destiny, instead of becoming a file that can be manipulated or left to decay in a digital limbo.”

“That’s why there’s still hope for him.” Taehyung comments stubbornly, “Chims, I know all of you think Jeongguk cannot remember because he’s - he’s gone loopy or something.” His voice is tinged with sorrow but he soldiers on, “but I don’t think so. He keeps painting the same figure, same silhouette of a person. He’s waiting for something… I asked you to track down these files because I think someone did this to him, made him intentionally forget.”

Jimin scoffs, “these stupid files. Yoongi had to dig for days in the database and bypass so many obsolete security clearances just to get to them. All for what? We all know the gist of the story - Jeongguk’s file has always been protected, the son of one of the first sponsors of the program, the untouchable Little Prince. And it’s prolly for the best, you don’t want to know the things i’ve heard, Operators tweaking files, making them do unspeakable things. It’s too easy, not like anyone’s out to protect the dead. This whole thing just makes me sick, I dunno why you have to stoop to their level…”

“You know that’s not me. All I want - all I want out of this is to save him. He’s been alone all these years, forgotten by the world, cut off from his past... “ Taehyung rubs the creases between his brows, “he was so young when he passed over, so many things he was robbed of in life. And he remembers me, Chims, the first person he’s remembered since forever. I can’t abandon him, not like this…”

His voice trails off, but Jimin zooms in onto him, “wait, did you already tamper with his file? Tae, did you make him remember you?”

Taehyung stammers, dipping his head lower, “you know I can’t, and I would never. All I did was adding cues into his environment - a note, a specific fragrance, our song that comes up everytime we meet at the bar.” he shoots a glance at Jimin, eyes pleading, “but that’s exactly what I’m trying to tell you, he’s a human being, capable of remembering, of hope and love, even with all the restrictions set on his file. And I - I -”

His voice is quiet now, each word sinking into the silence of the room between the two of them, “- I love him, can’t even pretend I’m not anymore. I tried to fight it, tried so hard. but if only you could feel what I feel - “ his lips quiver, and a sigh escapes Jimin in response, “- he makes me feel more alive than I ever did in this world, more aware of how precious every moment in life is. Every one of his firsts - first drink, first dance, first kiss in the dark - makes me think of how robbed he was when he was alive. I want to find out what happened to him, need to, before it all ends, before we have to shut down the program and he’ll be gone for real - “ he chokes up on the words, and feels a hand by his arm, supporting him with its strength.

Jimin sighs again, before responding, “what did you get yourself into… Man, look at you…” his arm drapes around Taehyung’s slender frame, eyes assessing, “did you lose more weight? Fuck, I swear, if this thing kills you, I’m gonna hunt your soul down and snatch you back into this world, just so that I can slap you hard in the face and go ‘I told you so, you frigging idiot!’”

The visual of his words pushes a small chuckle out of Taehyung, and Jimin laughs with him, arm around his shoulder, eyes filled with frustrated sympathy. They stay together for a moment, huddled and a little overwhelmed.

Finally Jimin shakes his head and speaks again, “fine, let’s see what the files contain. Fuck, if I’m getting prosecuted for delivering them, I might as well know.”

Taehyung can sense the warmth between his lines, and shoots him a look of gratitude before waving his hand at the monitor. He scrolls through the files and pauses at one, titled “Confidential Request for Case 001”. Taehyung steadies his breath, and opens the file.

It’s a video. Of a middle-aged man seated in front of the camera. Something familiar about him - the bright eyes, and the way his head cocks to the side as he struggles to start.

“This, is meant to be a record for emergency. In the case that an unforeseen accident occurs, if I am no longer able to visit Jeongguk in San Junipero, and it’s deemed to be impossible for me to pass over, then as his father, as the sole guardian of his file, I request for his past memories to be blocked. Jeongguk lived a short life, and if something were to happen to me - “ his voice cracks, and Taehyung feels his own heart clench, “ - I’d rather he doesn’t know about it, doesn’t wait for me. I’ve made provisions in my will to support the San Junipero project after I’m gone, it is my selfish wish - a father’s selfish wish for his son, to live in this virtual paradise forever, without sorrow or pain from his past. Thank you.”

The short video cuts out, but the glint of sadness in the man’s eyes lingers with Taehyung. He brings a hand to cover his mouth, and turns to face Jimin, who leans into him wordlessly.

They pore over more files - hospital records, programmer notes, disjointed content that sheds light onto the past. With every piece of information, Taehyung feels his heart sink deeper.

“It’s not much, but that’s all Yoon could find.”  
Taehyung purses his lips, “thanks hyung. I owe you, so much. This is enough for me to get started, I think I know where to look in his codes now.”

They stare at the last unopened file together, titled “Level 1 Clearance Code”.

“Are you sure about this?” Jimin’s voice besides him sends shiver down his spine.

“As sure as I’ll ever be. But ultimately, it’s up to him.”

-

  
It was not easy.

Right from the first step, when Taehyung told him of his true identity, tearfully under a brimming full moon, Jeongguk thought his heart was going to burst. Too much to digest, an Operator instead of the typical visitor he always thought Taehyung was, someone dying and ready to be passed over, so they could be together forever.

“San Junipero is ending. But I love you, Gukkie, I didn’t understand love until I met you. And I will fight for us to be together, with everything I got, if you’ll have me? If you’ll trust me?”

There were tears everywhere, big salty drops that seeped into their kisses, and ripped open his non-existent heart.

How could love hurt so damn much, when you aren't even alive anymore.

Nothing was easy from that point on, but Jeongguk knew what he had to do.

He wanted to survive, to feel again, to gain his humanity back little by little. Whatever the past held, whatever the future may be, he wanted to experience it all. With Taehyung.  
Taehyung.

He recites the name on his mind carefully, as if he’s afraid to forget.

Never want to forget.

Whatever it takes for them to be together, he’s willing to do it. He’s already gone through eternity, what’s a bit of temporary, fleeing pain. It’s not like he can die again, right?

Wrong. He forgets, that memories are tricky things. They linger once returned, night and day, never loosening their grips on the mind.

Taehyung warned him that when he removes the restrictions on his file, the memories may rush back, and it might be overwhelming.

Jeongguk went through that moment alone, sitting in his little seaside abode, with the forever blooming rose garden and the always sunny blue sky. He blinked, and when he opened his eyes again, he screamed out in agony.

Everything rushed back, every single piece of vivid memory. The years of loneliness in a hospital bed, the slow but torturous spiral downwards as the world neglected and forgot his dying self, and the debilitating fear of never seeing his father again after each and every one of his visits - it was all too much, exploding in his head and clamoring to be heard, demons of the past threatening to take over his sanity.

When Taehyung finally rushed back to hold him in his arms, Jeongguk was a sobbing mess curled up on the floor, incoherent and inconsolable.

He mourned for a long time, for the loss of his father, the disappearing of the world as he remembered, for all the pain and sorrow that was stolen from him for a century.

It’s as if he died again and suffered through everything again, just to be whole, again. There were moments when he thought he wouldn’t make it, gaze disappearing into the infinite horizon, mind drifting away, desperate for an instance of of detached serenity. But each time, he would feel Taehyung’s embrace on him tightening just a little, or a kiss grazing by his skin, softly, lovingly, bringing him back, safely where he belonged.

Taehyung stayed with him for a week, at the risk of hurting himself. The living is not meant for San Junipero, saved for the occasional timed visits. The mind cannot stay away from the physical body for too long, it causes separations, confusions that threaten to cease the functioning of his physical body.

But Taehyung stayed, and they got through it together, eventually.

The next step, is much, much harder.

 

Cold, stiff, and grim.

Before Jeongguk even opens his eyes, he feels things - coldness and discomfort that made him suddenly miss the eternal sunshine of San Junipero.

Reluctantly, his eyes flutter open, squinting despite the dim light of the living room. His body feels heavy, every joint stiff and responding to his thoughts clumsily. The familiar face next to him eases the discomfort a little. There’s a dull echo of joy on his mind, as he sees a relieved smile blooming on Taehyung’s face.

“You’re here, I can’t believe… it worked, Gukkie, it worked!” Tears are welling up in his eyes, and Jeongguk wants to reach up and thumb them away, but his arm is as heavy as lead. He musters a half grin instead and rasps out a few words, “don't cry. Please.”

He's tired, everything takes so much effort. And all the dark and glaring colors, the sharp lines and disarray.  
Jeongguk averts his eyes, willing for it to all go away. But he feels a tug, insistent, reminding him that he’s needed, so very much. He meets Taehyung’s concerned gaze, “feeling ok? Can you sit up?”

He wants to say no, wants to revert back to… to what, he’s not sure. There’s nothing to go back to anymore, San Junipero, father, everything is gone, just fragments of memories that are unreliable and reside only on his mind.

“I’m… ok.” He pushes himself up, each movement taking all of his strength. There’s a dread within him, an overwhelming hollowness, but Jeongguk pushes out a smile and focuses on Taehyung instead.  
Taehyung.

He looks different in this world, all flesh and bones and, human. Crinkles by his eyes, moles and lines that weren’t so prominent before, and all the fidgets, the shakes, the millions of tiny little gestures. Vibrating with energy, so very alive.

It’s overwhelming, and Jeongguk can’t help but fall in love with all of it once more. Here, in the dark and cramped bedroom, trapped in the artificial body like some modern frankenstein yearning for a heart, the beauty of life radiating off Taehyung still takes his breath away.

A tear drops as Taehyung blinks hard and purses his trembling lips, and Jeongguk concentrates all his effort and reaches towards his face, “no more tears…”

The fingers brush by clumsily, swiping the tear away. There’s barely any sensation on the skin, the realization chilling Jeongguk to the core. But he wouldn’t have it any other way, it’s worth it.

A second chance, a new life. With him.

“Taehyung…” like a mantra, a magical spell that calms his heart, he whispers.

“Yes, I’m here. And so are you, finally.” Taehyung rasps, arms embracing him carefully. “Sorry this is all we could afford, even Chims lent me all of his savings… And it was through the black market, I mean, you don’t even have an identification in the world… So much to do still, need to make sure you are safe…”

Jeongguk smiles, “thanks.”

Taehyung nudges into his forehead, “but the stars, I'm so happy you are here. There's so much I want to show you - the world, all the wonderful things… well some are not so wonderful - “ he makes a silly face, “- but it's all better now that you're here.”

Jeongguk curbs the sense of dread bubbling inside, and asks, “does it look different?”

“Hmm? Oh the world?” Taehyung scrunches his nose and replies cautiously, “yeah. It's no San Junipero, that's for sure. I mean, there are pretty virtual worlds and planets exclusively for the riches, but the district I live in is, well, cramped and a little sub par.” He smiles nervously, eyes scanning and assessing Jeongguk’s response.

Jeongguk pauses, pushing through the haze on his mind, and speaks quietly, “show me?”

Taehyung meets his eyes and gulps, “you think - you think you're ready? It's - man, I wish I could show you something better, maybe we start with some holograms of nicer looking places -”

Jeongguk interrupts him and glances at the small window by the wall, voice soft but clear, “it's ok, show me. Please.”

A sigh. Taehyung nods, and extends out his hand towards him, “hold on, stand up slowly, see how it feels.”  
Jeongguk grabs his hand and focuses. Every motion feels foreign, stiff, the limbs taking forever to respond. But he tries, pushing himself off the bed clumsily and standing up, determined to not be thrown off balance.

He panics when Taehyung hisses in pain, “your hand, Guk, loosen your grip.”

“Sorry.” Jeongguk retracts as guilt washes over him, “I'm…”

“It's ok.” Taehyung winces but tries to smile, “it's ok, I read things take time to adjust. I'll just hold you by your arm, ok? The window’s not that far.”

His feet feel like lead, every step taking all his strength, and all his attention to not stumble. His mind is in a cloud, operating from far away, only a small part of his thoughts echoing through this hollow shell. It all feels like a dream.

If San Junipero is a dream of a paradise, then this, is a nightmare. A cold and grim nightmare.

The thought creeps onto his mind, and Jeongguk forces it to the side.

They are by the window now, and Taehyung whispers, “ready?”  
Jeongguk nods, and watches as Taehyung presses the small button next to them. The shaded glass turns translucent at the touch, and Jeongguk blinks hard, trying to take it all in, the world suddenly sprawling out in front of him, in all its overwhelming details.

There are lights everywhere, flashing, blinking, clamouring for his attention, assaulting his nerves. Every corner of every surface is filled with buildings, shops, signs, vehicles, millions upon millions of objects. Wisps of grey mist shroud his vision, reminding him that they are impossibly high up from the ground. Jeongguk looks down, gazing into the maze like abyss extending out below them, an endless void with lights and shadows zooming by.

Suddenly he's hit by dizziness and stumbles.

His little house by the sea, with the eternal full moon and blooming roses, nobody else on the sand except the two of them and the crashing waves. It's all gone, forever.

“Hey, are you ok?”

Jeongguk turns and meets Taehyung’s concerned gaze. The words hang by his lips, threatening to come out, together with the fear and despair.

_It's a mistake, I can't do this, I don't belong here._

But he spots the glint of tenderness in Taehyung’s eyes, and something within him stirs. In a world where everything feels foreign and wrong, Taehyung’s gaze brings a familiar warmth, the same warmth he's felt every time their eyes met in San Junipero.

“I'm...fine.” Jeongguk replies, trying hard to keep his voice casual.

“Good.” Taehyung exhales out of relief, the flashing lights reflecting on his profile, casting his features in neon colors and shifting shadows, "I'm here, always will be. We'll get through this together." 

Jeongguk nods, and feels his mind calming down at the words. Slowly, he leans into Taehyung, and watches as the world whooshes by in front of them in hyper speed.

  
-

  
Cold, dark and silent.

Jeongguk flicks off the vibrating controller on his wrist, and wakes up in the tiny bedroom.

Getting up and dressing slowly, he sees Taehyung’a silhouette in bed, clutching onto a pillow and curled up in peaceful slumber. A smile spreads by his lips.

He walks to the living room, taking note of the darkness outside, howling wind swirling up the falling snowflakes.

Jeongguk pauses by the computer monitor on the desk. With a flick of the wrist, he turns it on, fingering fluttering, scrolling through the list of orders that need to be delivered this morning.

They've lived in this colony for almost two years now. The town is far north, perpetually covered in snow, a desolate forgotten spot at the edge of civilization. But the folks are friendly to the Undead, people like him, who have been given a second chance at life through artificial bodies. There are no ocean breeze and blooming roses here, but the frozen tundra is inexplicably soothing to Jeongguk, in its rustic and isolated way.

Taehyung found a coding job remotely, and Jeongguk does deliveries, sells paintings, and works whatever odds and ends jobs he could find.

Whatever it takes to keep this home afloat.

And what a home, he glances around, and takes in everything - the lush plants Taehyung cares for, the rows of paintings that he's created over the years, pieces of worn out furniture they’ve found and restored. It's cozy and lived in, every corner filled with shared memories.

Right above the computer monitor, he sees the small painting hanging on the wall. It's simple, the brush strokes a bit shaky and blurry for his liking - a figure facing away, walking on a sandy beach. It was the first painting he finished in the real world after leaving San Junipero, and Taehyung whined about how it didn't count as a portrait, “this face, you missed this handsome face of perfection, Gukkie.”

Jeongguk chuckles, there were many more portraits after that one, some Taehyung approved.

There's so much love in this home, gentle but palpable, filling his heart with contentment. And his gaze lowers and falls onto his own hand - controlled, ageless, with strength at his command. It took a long time to get use to this body, this artificial thing that once felt like a prison, but now is his best ally. Impervious to the elements, and with amazing capabilities for physical challenges, it's a great tool for those who learn to wield it properly. As the initial shocks subsided, when he was finally able to look at himself in the mirror without flinching, Jeongguk felt grateful.

He can make a living, and protect the one he loves. It's really all he needs.

Jeongguk rarely thinks back to San Junipero nowadays. It seems hollow - the past, like a faded dream that pales in comparison to his love in the real world. Taehyung will be up soon. If he hurries, maybe he could finish all the deliveries and be back for breakfast together.

Jeongguk gathers his things and readies for the day. As he steps towards the front door, a tune flashes across his mind, song from a bygone era, remembered only by Taehyung and him. He starts to hum softly, letting the words slide off his tongue,

 _Ooh, baby, do you know what that's worth?_  
_Ooh heaven is a place on earth_

Jeongguk opens the door, and feels his senses swept up by the howling snowstorm raging outside. Yet the serenity stays within his heart, lingering, enveloping, bringing a smile to the corner of his lips.

 _They say in heaven love comes first_  
_We'll make heaven a place on earth_

Heaven, is where we are together.

 

  
FIN

**Author's Note:**

> Tysm for reading, a few notes if the story seems confusing.  
> \- San Junipero is a virtual reality program, where right before dying, people could have their mind transferred to ("passed over"). When the program was in full swing (~2030 and onward), 85% of the inhabitants are dead. The rest are either simulated persona (such as the bartender) or visitors.  
> \- People can visit San Junipero, by having a device connected to your head that transports your mind there. The living is restricted to a few hours of visit per week because prolonged stay in the program can cause your mind to become detached from your body. These visits are typically for people dying of terminal illnesses who want to scope out the software.  
> \- Jeongguk had a heart condition since birth, which worsened as he became a teen. His dad funded the San Junipero program for the purpose of building a virtual paradise for him. Jeongguk spent a lot of his teen years in the hospital, hence very naïve and inexperienced in life. He died at 19 and passed onto the program.  
> \- His dad visited him in the program afterwards, but began to fear that if he was to die in an accident and couldn't be transferred to the program himself, Jeongguk would be waiting for him forever. So he left a video message requesting for Jeongguk's memories to be blocked if this happened. It's implied in the story an accident did happen to dad, and hence the coders blocked Jeongguk's ability to recall memories.  
> \- Taehyung was the last coder hired to clean up the San Junipero program, which has long been in quarantine, with all the inhabitants moved out. Jeongguk was left to be deleted along with the program, because most coders thought he's a corrupt old file since he seemed absentminded and couldn't remember anything. But Taehyung could spot the humanity left in Jeongguk. He used cues to help Jeongguk remember him (same drink and its smell, same song, same night time beach...). And he noticed Jeongguk kept painting the same silhouette (his dad). Even when you block the ability for a person to remember things, it's an innate need to remember. Memories make us who we are. Taehyung wanted to give that back to Jeongguk, the right to remember. Only then can Jeongguk truly love him, and decide on his own fate.  
> \- Jeongguk was very naïve at the beginning of the story, never experienced anything because nobody has encouraged him to. But with Taehyung, everything was his first - first drink, first dance, first kiss... His life truly started.  
> \- A question Black Mirror often posed is whether a digital file of our mind has any rights or deserves sympathy. It's implied in the show that many people view these files as just files, that can be tortured, manipulated, or used as slaves. If your soul is digital, do you still have rights?  
> \- What I wanted to show through the story, is that something as beautiful as San Junipero can still be limbo, hollow and unfulfilling. Yet a harsh world in the desolate tundra, with an artificial body and very little material possessions, can be heaven for Jeongguk, because he has the ability to love and to finally gain experiences one by one.
> 
> Sorry for the rambles, ily <333 I'm on twitter @amlikaq


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